Self-Solemnization
Everything you need to know about planning your self-uniting ceremony
Updated April 17th, 2023
What is self-solemnization?
The basic definition of self-solemnization (or self-uniting) is marrying your partner without the need for anyone else to oversee it. No officiant and no witnesses. This gives you the option to have your ceremony completely by yourself, or, you can opt to have an officiant who isn’t legally ordained, like your sister, your best friend, or even your child.
Here in Colorado, where self-solemnization is very simple and available to any couple, we find that over half of our eloping couples choose to self-solemnize their marriage.
Table of Contents - What’s in this Self-Solemnization Guide
What are the benefits of a self-solemnized elopement?
In addition to religious reasons, there are a few reasons why an eloping couple might consider self-solemnizing their marriage. It’s easy, it’s private, and it allows you to make all decisions based on your own preferences and no one else’s.
1. You can elope in complete privacy
You don’t have to have a single person present during your ceremony if you don’t want! When you choose to elope without an officiant, you and your partner can exchange vows in a more private and intimate setting. This can make the experience more special and meaningful for you and your partner, as you can focus solely on each other and your relationship.
2. You can fully customize your ceremony
Self-solemnizing will give you complete freedom to customize your elopement ceremony to be as personal and unique as you want, without any external expectations or guidelines. Some elopement couples want a short and sweet ceremony with just their personal vows to each other, while other couples choose to read letters from friends and family or incorporate a unity ceremony.
3. You may have more location options
When considering where you would like to have your ceremony, you can choose a location solely based on your preferences. Maybe that means hiking to a remote overlook, nestling yourselves deep within a forest, or driving a bumpy Jeep road to the top of a mountain. Whatever it is, you don’t have to worry about asking if an officiant is up for the adventure.
4. You may have more flexibility with the timing of your ceremony
Not having an officiant means that you do not need to worry about scheduling or coordinating with anyone else. This can make planning your elopement simpler and less stressful, allowing you to have your ceremony at sunrise, sunset, or any time between if you’d like.
Interested in learning more about what an elopement ceremony looks like?
Check out our Elopement Ceremony Guide
What does a self-solemnized ceremony look like?
The beauty of self-solemnizing is that you get to decide exactly what your ceremony looks like! We encourage you to get creative! Make a conscious decision about what “traditional” aspects of a ceremony you’d like to include and which you’d like to omit. Also, consider thinking outside of the box and incorporating things that speak to you as a couple! We are including some ideas that we’ve seen couples do in the past, feel free to borrow some, ignore some, or start thinking of your own!
Write your own vows
In our opinion, your vows are arguably the most meaningful part of a ceremony. It’s so rare that you get to pour your heart out to your partner. To reflect on the highs and the lows, the moments that got you to where you are, and what you look forward to in your future together.
Tips for writing your own vows
1. Don’t wait until the night before to start writing your vows. Spend the months leading up to your elopement jotting down your thoughts when they come to you. Even if it’s just a small phrase or memory, take note of it in your phone or in a journal. That way you can use those notes to piece together your vows later.
2. Discuss the length of your vows with your partner. As you both begin the vow-writing process, talk to your partner about how long you’d like your vows to be. They don’t have to be the exact same length, but it can help to keep your ceremony balanced compared to having one partner with 1-minute vows and the other with 6-minute vows.
3. Have a trusted friend proofread your vows.
4. Practice reading your vows aloud before the ceremony.
Exchange rings
In a “traditional” wedding ceremony, this is the moment when your officiant would have you recite vows while exchanging rings. You’ve heard them, “I [insert name], take you [insert name], to be my [insert title]. In sickness and in health, until death do us part.” For some couples, they choose not to recite these formal vows, and instead just place rings on each other’s fingers. Others choose to recite part or all of these formal vows. It’s up to you!
Have a unity ceremony
This is a broad category and leaves a lot of room for your imagination and personality. Common unity ceremonies that we’ve seen at elopements include handfasting (which sometimes requires a helping hand), sharing a drink of whiskey from a Scottish wedding Quaich, sealing a memory box to open on a future anniversary, planting small trees or plants together, pouring two colors of sand into one vase, or even creating a piece of art together.
Read letters from loved ones
This is a fun way to incorporate friends and family that are not present at your elopement. Ask some of your closest loved ones to write you notes or letters to read during your ceremony. Are you having your ceremony in a place that limits your ceremony length (we’re looking at you Arches National Park)? Read these letters during a post-ceremony picnic instead!
Have a first kiss (or a few)
Usually, the ceremony will end with a kiss. In most “traditional” wedding ceremonies, there’s an unwritten rule that you aren’t supposed to kiss until the very end of the ceremony. But this is a rule we gladly tell our couples to break. If you just have to kiss your partner after hearing their vows, go for it!
Have your dog sign your marriage license
If you’re getting married in a state that allows it, have your dog sign your marriage license! Bring a non-toxic ink pad and use it to stamp your dog’s pawprint on your marriage license. Don’t forget a wipe to clean off your dog’s paw afterward!
What if your state requires witnesses?
Some states that allow self-solemnization also require that 1-2 adult witnesses sign your marriage license. Often, your photography and videography team can sign as a witness. Otherwise, you can find a friendly person on the trail to sign your marriage license! It may sound funny, but we still keep in touch with a travel-loving retired couple who signed Michele and Nick’s marriage license a few years ago!
Annie + Chris’ Self-Solemnized Elopement
After an off-road Jeep adventure and a high-elevation hike, Annie and Chris had a simple self-solemnized ceremony during which they read their personal vows to each other, exchanged rings, and had their first kiss.
Josh + Maddie’s Self-Solemnized Elopement
Josh and Maddie hiked up to a beautiful mountain overlook with their rescue dog, Kora. They self-solemnized their marriage with a short ceremony and then Kora signed the marriage license with her paw print.
Michele + Nick’s Self-Solemnized Elopement
Michele and Nick eloped in a desert slot canyon. While they eloped without guests, they asked their parents to write them letters to read during the ceremony. From those letters, there were many tears and laughs. After the ceremony, they asked two hikers to sign their marriage license as witnesses.
Are you feeling overwhelmed about writing vows for your elopement?
Our Vow Writing Guide is your go-to companion for transforming the daunting task of crafting your wedding vows into a meaningful experience. Whether you're planning an intimate elopement or a grand celebration, this comprehensive guide is designed to help you navigate the overwhelming journey of putting your love into words.
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Bid farewell to the anxiety of facing a blank page. Our guide will provide expert guidance and creative prompts to spark your imagination. Banish writer's block as you embark on a personalized journey to express your unique love story.
Can you self-solemnize with guests?
Yes! In fact, many of our couples still choose to self-solemnize even if they have guests attending their elopement! For some couples, they decide to play the role of the officiant during their ceremony, others keep the ceremony simple and solely exchange their private vows during their ceremony, while others choose to have two ceremonies, one self-solemnized for just the two of them and a second with their guests. There is no right or wrong answer when crafting your own ceremony, so feel free to be creative!
Act as your own officiant
In this option, you and your partner take on the “traditional” role of an officiant and write a script to recite during the ceremony. Most often, this will include addressing the guests, thanking them for attending, and for traveling to the elopement location. You could also include a short story about where you met, how you knew you wanted to get married, and any big milestones you’ve reached together. Then you can read your personal vows to each other, exchange rings, and have your first kiss. Don’t be afraid to incorporate other traditions such as a unity ceremony, or short readings!
Hailey + Mitch’s Self-Solemnized Elopement with Guests
Hailey and Mitch started their self-solemnized ceremony with Hailey’s dad walking her down the aisle. Then they prepared a heartfelt speech thanking their families for traveling to Colorado and for always being supportive of them as individuals and as a couple. Then they read their personal vows to each other, exchanged rings, and their families pronounced them married!
Eric + Paige’s Self-Solemnized Elopement with Guests
Eric and Paige started their self-solemnized ceremony by walking down the aisle together. Then thanked their guests for traveling to Colorado and for their support during their relationship. They each told stories from their relationship before reading their personal vows to each other, exchanging rings, and having their first kiss. Afterward, they celebrated with a group toast.
Keep things simple and only exchange vows
The second option is to center your ceremony solely around your personal vows. You’ll keep things super simple and skip the introductions and go straight into your vows, then the ring exchange, and finally the first kiss to finish up the ceremony! This is how we self-solemnized our own ceremony and it was perfect for us!
Heather + Sarah’s Self-Solemnized Elopement with Guests
Heather and Sarah had a simple ceremony with three guests and their two dogs. They started the ceremony by reading their personal vows to each other, then they took a private moment for prayer before exchanging rings and having their first kiss.
Brittany + John’s Self-Solemnized Elopement with Guests
Brittany and John had their ceremony in a remote mountain meadow with just two guests and their dogs present. They kept their ceremony short and sweet by reading their personal vows to each other, exchanging rings, and having their first kiss.
How to include guests in your self-solemnized elopement
Address them during the ceremony - Work with your partner to prepare a short speech directed at your guests. This can be a great time to express your love and gratitude for the people who are closest to you and can be a very natural way to start off your ceremony.
Ask a guest to do a reading - Is there a reading that means a lot to you and your partner? This could be from a piece of literature, a religious text, or even your favorite children’s book.
Do a ring warming - One of our favorite ways of getting everyone involved in a ceremony is to do a ring warming. Basically, throughout the ceremony, your guests will pass your rings from person to person, pausing to put their love and well wishes for the future into them before you put the rings on.
Have a guest be your officiant - Self-solemnizing on your marriage license opens you up to having a non-official officiant lead your ceremony. This could be any guest or family member, but we absolutely love it when our couples choose to have their children officiate for them! It’s not only adorable, but it can also be such a fun way for the child to feel important during the ceremony.
Have your guests pronounce you married - At the end of the ceremony, right before your first kiss, it can be so much fun to have your guests pronounce you married in unison.
Unity ceremonies - In addition to a ring warming, there are many unity ceremonies that can include your guests. This could include having each guest write you a note to read on a future anniversary and sealing those in a box or even a traditional handfasting.
End the ceremony with a group hug - Once the ceremony is over, bring your guests in for a hug, everyone will be excited to congratulate you!
Have your guests sign your marriage license - Depending on the state you’re getting married in (like Colorado, for example), you may be able to have all of your guests sign your marriage license! We’ve even had couples put their dog’s paw print on the marriage license.
Are you planning an elopement in Colorado?
Check out our Colorado Elopement Guide
Where is self-solemnization allowed in the US?
1. California*
2. Colorado
3. District of Columbia
4. Illinois
5. Kansas
6. Maine*
7. Montana
8. Nevada*
9. Pennsylvania
10. Wisconsin*
* States that require a religious exemption for self-solemnizing
Who is eligible to have a self-solemnized ceremony?
It will depend on the state you are getting married in. Some states, such as Colorado, make it extremely easy for anyone to self-unite their own marriage. Other states such as Maine only allow those with certain religious exemptions to self-unite their own marriage.
Each state will have its own regulations for who is eligible and the rules for obtaining a marriage license, so be sure to contact the county you plan to get married in well in advance.
Is a self-solemnized marriage legal?
Yes! As long as you are getting married in a state that allows self-solemnizing marriages and you fill and submit the required paperwork, you will be legally married and good to go!
Even if you’re getting married in a state that doesn’t allow self-solemnization, we have some tips for making your dream ceremony happen for you!
Where you can self-solemnize in the US
This list is updated as of April 2023. This is not legal advice, always be sure to check with the state and county in which you will be getting married to make sure you are up-to-date with all rules and regulations!
California
Who is eligible: Those with religious exemptions
In California, couples may choose to have a non-clergy wedding. According to the state of California, “This type of license is used for the recording of marriages for members of religious societies or denominations that do not have clergy for the purpose of solemnizing a marriage.” Couples are required to disclose their religious society or denomination on the license.
Marriage License Required: License and Certificate of Marriage for Denominations Not Having Clergy
Witness Requirement: 2 Adults
Click here for more details on non-clergy weddings in California.
Colorado
Who is eligible: Anyone
In Colorado, as long as both parties consent, a couple can self-solemnize their own marriage. Some counties have different rules for how the marriage license needs to be filled out, so check with your county for more information. Yes, your dog can sign your marriage license.
Type of Marriage License Required: Normal Marriage License
Witness Requirement: None
Click here for more details on self-solemnizing in Colorado.
District of Columbia
Who is eligible: Anyone
In Washington DC, you can have a self-officiated ceremony, meaning the parties (you and your partner) elect to officiate the marriage themselves. In order to do this, you’ll just need to make note of it on your marriage application.
Type of Marriage License Required: Normal Marriage License
Witness Requirement: None
Click here for more details on self-solemnzing in Washington DC.
Illinois
Who is eligible: Anyone
In Illinois, as long as both parties consent, a couple can self-solemnize their own marriage.
Type of Marriage License Required: Normal Marriage License
Witness Requirement: None
Click here to learn more about self-solemnizing in Illinois.
Kansas
Who is eligible: Anyone
In Kansas, as long as both parties consent, a couple can self-solemnize their own marriage.
Type of Marriage License Required: Normal Marriage License
Witness Requirement: 2 Adults
Maine
Who is eligible: Those with religious exemptions
In Maine, members of the Quaker, Friend, or Bah’ai faiths are able to self-solemnize their own marriage.
Type of Marriage License Required: Normal Marriage License
Witness Requirement: 2 Adults
Montana
Who is eligible: Anyone
In Montana, couples may self-solemnize by filing a Declaration of Marriage. Unlike most other states, this process happens after the ceremony and requires the couple to write their Declaration of Marriage (a template is in the link below) and bring it with them to the courthouse. The couple may bring two witnesses with them or have Clerk of Court staff act as their witnesses.
Type of Marriage License Required: Declaration of Marriage
Witness Requirement: 2 Adults
Nevada
Who is eligible: Those with religious exemptions
In Nevada, members of the Quaker, Friend, or Bah’ai faiths are able to self-solemnize their own marriage.
Type of Marriage License Required: Normal Marriage License
Witness Requirement: 1 Adult
Pennsylvania
Who is eligible: Anyone
In Pennsylvania, as long as both parties consent, a couple can self-solemnize their own marriage.
Type of Marriage License Required: Normal Marriage License
Witness Requirement: None
Click here for more details on self-solemnizing in Pennsylvania.
Wisconsin
Who is eligible: Those with religious exemptions
In Wisconsin, “couples may self-marry (without an officiant) in cases where one of the marrying parties, or both, belong to a religious society, denomination, or sect that has customs, rules, and regulations regarding self-marriage.” Proof of religion is not required. Couples sign both of their names on the Officiant section of the marriage license.
Type of Marriage License Required: Normal Marriage License
Witness Requirement: 2 Adults
Click here for more details on self-solemnizing in Wisconsin.
Want to learn more about each state’s marriage license requirements? We have another blog post with more details!
How to self-solemnize in locations without self-solemnization
If you’re getting married in a location that doesn’t allow self-solemnizing ceremonies, don’t worry! There are a few things you can do so that you can still have your dream elopement ceremony.
These are great options for couples eloping in the US as well as internationally!
Do the legal part first
If you are eloping internationally or in a state without self-solemnization, we recommend getting legally married at your local courthouse and then having your elopement ceremony afterward. When we eloped over six years ago in Scotland, this is the route we took. We signed our marriage license at the courthouse here in Colorado before heading to Scotland for our elopement. This allowed us to get the legal (AKA boring) part over with and have a ceremony without any limits or legal hoops to jump through.
We often get questions about whether having a legal ceremony prior to your elopement ceremony makes things less special and we can honestly say that it doesn’t. The courthouse ceremony was still exciting for us, but it didn’t hold as much weight as our “real” ceremony on our wedding day in Scotland.
Have a private vow exchange
Maybe you don’t want to sign your marriage license at the courthouse prior to your elopement day. Or maybe you have guests that want to be included in a more “traditional” ceremony. Many of our couples choose to read the vows they’ve written in private, just the two of them, and then have a more traditional ceremony afterward with their guests and an ordained officiant. At the ceremony with your family, you can read more traditional vows, or you can re-read your personal vows. In our experience, this is often the best option for couples who are torn between wanting a truly private experience, want to ensure that they can get legally married on their elopement day, and also want their guests to be involved.
Ask a guest to get ordained
We know this sounds like a huge thing to ask one of your guests, but we promise that it’s simple in most states! Now, the thing is that this guest does not have to lead your ceremony like a “traditional” officiant would. You can still lead your own ceremony and then just have them help you complete the paperwork afterward! Depending on the state, you may also need 1-2 witnesses to sign the marriage license. This could be other guests, your photography and videography team, or even a friendly person you pass on the trail.
Always be sure to follow the rules and guidelines of the state you are eloping in. We have an entire blog post all about the process and legalities of having a guest stand in as your officiant, which you can view by clicking here. This will most likely only be an option if you are eloping within the US.
Hire a photographer who is ordained
Consider hiring a photographer (or videographer) who is ordained. Your photographer will undoubtedly be there for your ceremony, so having them stand in as your legal officiant can be very convenient. Alex is ordained and has legally officiated many ceremonies for our couples! You can still lead your own ceremony and then just have your photographer help you complete the paperwork afterward! Depending on the state, you may also need 1-2 witnesses to sign the marriage license. This could be guests if you have any, other members of your photography and videography team, or even a friendly person you pass on the trail.
Always be sure to follow the rules and guidelines of the state you are eloping in. We have an entire blog post all about the process and legalities of marriage licenses in each state, which you can view by clicking here. This will most likely only be an option if you are eloping within the US.
Selina + Zach’s Self-Solemnized Elopement
Selina and Zach decided to have a self-solemnized elopement in Arizona. While Arizona is not a state that allows self-solemnized marriages, they were still able to have a private self-led ceremony because Alex signed their license as their legal officiant and Lisa signed as their witness.
Brittany + Justin’s Self-Solemnized Elopement
Brittany and Justin eloped in the Faroe Islands. In order to avoid the complications of getting married outside of the US, they signed their marriage license at home before embarking on their elopement trip. This allowed them to easily hike to their ceremony location and exchange their own vows.
Have questions about how your guest can legally sign your marriage license?
Check out our Guide to Getting Ordained
Are you ready to start your elopement adventure?
We’re Lisa + Alex (those goofballs in the photo above). We are photographers and videographers who focus solely on elopements. We are passionate about giving our couples the most incredible elopement day possible. We work closely with each of our couples to offer location options, vendor recommendations, and fun ideas to personalize their wedding day.
Each couple who books with us will receive their own, collaborative Elopement Planning Portal. We know that planning your elopement can seem overwhelming, but we’re here to make the planning process easy and fun.
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